Midwest traditions are deeply rooted into my current celebration of holidays. Hopefully we change and grow over the years, adding maturity and new spirit to these special occasions. Memories of childhood, good and not so good, are stirred into the formula of family gatherings. Food, laughter, family gossip and attending Church were the norm. This last activity is where Mother and Daddy didn’t see eye to eye.
My father held to his position that only a hypocrite rallied to “their” place of worship two days a year, such as Christmas and Easter. If he only attended those two holy days, then he would be a hypocrite trying to please everyone! “I feel closer to God in my airplane, where I can feel his presence,” was his chant. Later in life he softened his ideas about Heaven and Earth when becoming a grandparent. Daddy joined us at Church a few times, showing the Saints his greatest little achievements and Mom’s new hat. Mother’s smile radiated for days after his volunteer attendance, which gave her continued hope for Daddy’s salvation. I observed and learned from The Elders, forming values and traditions, passing down valid and invalid solutions, which I later found, to be very “abby-normal”!
Instead of, trying to fix or control things, I became the observer. It helped me understand the Yin and Yang of circumstances, or the other side to problems, to step back and not take sides. This is the beginning of emptiness, a place of neither, right or wrong, removing the clutter of the heart and allowing space to fill the void and flow easily. Feng Shui applied on all levels brings peace to the body and spirit, clearing the sediment of judgment. Mother spent her life trying to fix Daddy, when she could have been free to follow her real purpose.
One beautiful day, I found Mom outdoors sitting on a stump, a rake resting across her lap. She loved raking and burning autumn leaves. As I rounded the corner of the house, I saw tears flowing down her rosy cheeks. I decided to quietly retreat and not disturb her “conversation with God.” Without looking my way, she quietly acknowledged my presence. “It’s okay, I’m okay, I’m just resting,” she whispered. Her body looked tired and her usual bouncy spirit seemed very subdued. Daddy had long been diagnosed with lung cancer, and mother’s mini-strokes called to attention that the Twelve Stages of Life’s Cycle were constantly moving and turning. The stage of Decline had traveled into Illness and was circling clockwise toward Endings.
Speaking into the wind her voice seemed surreal as she said, “You know Caroline, Daddy is never going to join the church. He’ll be okay though.” I could hardly believe she said those words. All her previous teachings and rules about “passage” into heaven had shifted. She had let go of trying to change others. Sadness and joy, simultaneously, were expressed on her face. She was relieved her job was over at last. They had been married 49 years.
It is now the next generation’s responsibility to imprint traditions. I continue to change only myself, as valuable time is lost on “your purpose” when trying to change others. Support others’ dreams and wishes. Celebrate everyone’s gifts and talents. Let this be a gift to yourself and loved ones this season. Give and you shall receive freedom!
